It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
