i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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