so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
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First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
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You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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