my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
