Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
