i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
