i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
