i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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