What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
