In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
