Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
