But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
