A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
