I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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