Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize