Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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