I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
