I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
