apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
