He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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