hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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