Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize