I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
