Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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