Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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