Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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