dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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