Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
