he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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