Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
