I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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