It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT