Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency