You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.