party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
