The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
