I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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