When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
