His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
