made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
