just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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