Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
