Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
