can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
