TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
