Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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