im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
