Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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