Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
