kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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