its not stalking. its research.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
