He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
