Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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