I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
