i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
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According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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