i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
