I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
