I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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