Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
