Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
