after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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