I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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