Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
