NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
