Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
