Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
look no pants
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
