My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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