when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
