Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
